Many of the articles on this blog are about learning Japanese, but I will be writing this one mostly from a general point of view so that it applies to any foreign language learning (though some of the examples will be in Japanese).
When we first start learning a foreign language, we often struggle with the most basic of things: rough meanings, basic sounds, fundamental grammar structures, etc. This is how it should be, because without first learning the basics it’s difficult to build on those and learn more advanced and nuanced topics. For example, for a beginning Japanese student, their time is more likely going to be more well spent on learning five vocabulary words, instead of five different ways to use the particle “wa”.
The tricky thing is that there is no clear line between “beginner”, “intermediate”, and “advanced” student (and that event extends to being “fluent”). It is just a continuum, though rather than being on a number line it’s about all the knowledge we have accumulated––and the ability to use that knowledge, which can be a separate thing.
Language learners generally have a rough idea what their skill level is (say, “an intermediate student with 2 years experience”), and they use that to help make decisions in terms of how much to get involved and what type of content to try out, etc.
But in this article I wanted to mention something that I’ve learned speaking Japanese at home for over a decade, that may not be obvious to some language learners. It’s that, regardless of your level, there are always things you don’t know, and it’s important for you to act accordingly in your interpersonal relationships (so you don’t piss people off, or get upset yourself).
To be a little more specific, words have meanings and if you don’t know what a word means you can just straight-out tell the other person to try and rephrase what they said. However, once you get advanced enough, you may feel like you should know most things you are told, and so you will do your best to guess the meaning. Guessing itself is a great skill, but as a result there is always a chance you will guess wrong. The other thing that can happen is when there are multiple meanings to a word, especially if they are slang uses.
Understanding the nuance of a word or expression is also important. For example, I once used the expression “ichi ichi” [いちいち] in daily conversation, but I was immediately told that it has a rough nuance, and a phrase like “hitotsu hitotsu” [一つ一つ] is more neutral. I was fortunate to be told this explicitly, but I think (at least with Japanese people) it’s more common for them to just glaze over it and not point out your mistake, the exception being a teacher you are paying to get detailed feedback on your language usage. But as a result the other person may get frustrated or angry hearing you misuse language.
This also goes for the tone of words you are reading or listening to. Often non-native speakers will miss some of the subtle elements, and especially in Japanese often less is more, which means that speakers may not give all the details you would like to have. Tone has many dimensions: literary/academic, masculine/feminine, slang, insulting/complementing, etc. Often you will have to piece together information to figure these out, but once in a while someone will spell it out for you. For example, I vividly remember once when someone on a Japanese podcast said “to iu koto de” [と言うことで], to which another person remarked how they sounded like they were on a radio station. This gave me a good hint for the stiffness of that phrase.
Japanese in particular has extra levels of nuance that may not be present in other languages. For example some grammatical forms have a clear feminine nuance (take the girly sounding phrase “taihen yo” [大変よ], contrasted to the neutral phrase “taihen da ne” [大変だね]). There are various levels of politeness and humility; a simple concept like “to eat” can be expressed as “kuu” 「くう」(slang, rough), “taberu”「食べる」 (neutral), or “meshiagaru” 「召し上がる」(polite). Even basic things like second-person pronouns have a bunch of options: “omae” 「お前」(rough, rude), “kimi”「きみ」 (casual, informal), “anata”「あなた」 (stiff, formal), using their last name plus “san” (often the best choice), or omitting a second-pronoun altogether (the best option if it’s obvious from context).
There’s no way to completely solve the problem of the lack of knowledge about the nuances of a language (well, except perhaps living in a country where that language is spoken and using it every day for decades, which many of us simply cannot do), but what you can do is take an appropriate attitude to help your relationships go more smoothly.
Keeping an open mind and being humble about your language abilities will go a long way. You can try to pay attention to word tone and nuances whenever you are listening/reading that language, and make mental notes of important things, although ultimately you will probably learn to do this subconsciously.
Another thing you can do is ask followup questions to make sure you understood something (especially in important situations). Similarly, when you really need to express something, I recommend trying to express it in multiple ways, using different words. This can make you sound overly verbose, but personally I prefer that to unnecessary misunderstandings and miscommunications, which can wreak havoc with your relationships. Especially in important long-term relationships (like someone you are dating or married to), being careful to reduce misunderstandings is always a good idea. Regardless of your language level, it’s good to strive to keep increasing our vocabulary so we have better ways to express ourselves, and better odds to understand exactly what is being said to us.
I think all of us have those things that trigger us, whether it is being insulted or hearing an opinion we strongly disagree with. While I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to go into a rage, when speaking in a foreign language there is a much higher chance of us misunderstanding what is said, and getting upset for absolutely no reason at all.
That’s why whenever you hear (or read) something disturbing in a foreign language, I think it’s a good idea to take a few deep breaths to calm down and then ask followup questions to make sure you are understanding. If the literal meaning is unpleasant, could it perhaps be sarcasm or a joke?
That reminds me of when I hear someone say they are completely fluent in some foreign language, I’m generally suspicious. Even if they happen to have a huge amount of experience speaking that language, the attitude of “I’m fluent” might result in them avoiding defensive tactics like I mentioned above (basically ways to express humility), and may be keeping them away from real fluency.
Have you had any experiences where you learned a surprising nuance of a word or expression? Let me know in the comments.
(Here is my book packed with tips for keeping motivated when learning any foreign language.)